Love and Marriage

I’ve had two and a half wives. The first was Sandy. She was a little person and was the best pickpocket at the carnival. After our third year of marriage she was picking the pocket of Stan D. Sadface, the ferris wheel operator. So I divorced her.

My next wife was Chantel. Eight hours after tying the knot I found out “she” was a man trying to make it rich as a bearded lady. I was deceived! Chantel’s deceit was flawless. It was unlike any I’ve seen. It reminded me of when I was a young con-man, scamming people out of their hard earned rupees on the streets of Calcutta.

Lastly, there was the one and only, Joy. Joy was arrested for possession of narcotics and grand larceny. She escaped custody five minutes after her arrest using a toothpick and a lotus flower. She puts me to shame. We actually didn’t marry, or even date. Alas, she is married to Gary the Strong, a ruffian from a biker gang and a professional athlete in the NBTL(National Blow Torcher’s Leauge). They chase each other with portable blow torches and the team with the least amount of burns, or most clothing, wins. It’s a good game and, of course, what woman wouldn’t want to be with a burly, athletic, scaly, callused burn victim? Yes, that was sarcasm. I will never forget Joy and our chance encounter at the concession stand last year. It was the season opener for the Torchers. Our hands touched as we reached for the Catsup. We laughed and then the police took her away. I’m waiting, Joy… wherever you are.